He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
