And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
