Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
