his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
