Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
