i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
