I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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