Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
