Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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