mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
