Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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