We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
