Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
