How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
