Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
