i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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