we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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