the day after is always just damage control
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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