There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
