I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
