I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think your dad took our porno
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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