im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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