Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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