i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
