oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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