i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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