I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're like the curious george of whores
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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