my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
