Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
