i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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