so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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