I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
