There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
