Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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