I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
