I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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