i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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