Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
