so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
