real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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