Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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