Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
