rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
