dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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