Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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