I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
