Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
