franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
