I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
