Nicole vs. Life
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize