butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
