I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
