Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
