I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
