well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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