i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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