I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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