walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize