I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
