you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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