Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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