Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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