I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
