Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I sprained my soul last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
