garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
