Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
