sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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