if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
