the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone threw a dead crab at me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
